


The Jeeves and Wooster Book Club

by ricketybridge



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse
Genre: BDSM mentioned, Dialogue-Only, Drabble, Ficlet, Literature, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-04-30 13:01:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14497536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ricketybridge/pseuds/ricketybridge
Summary: Jeeves and Bertie discuss works of literature.A blatant rip-off ofAn homage to The 3A Berkeley Mansions Literary Society. Each chapter is a stand-alone.





	1. Jeeves in Furs

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The 3A Berkeley Mansions Literary Society](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12856575) by [cuddyclothes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddyclothes/pseuds/cuddyclothes). 



> I own the intellectual property rights to the Jeeves stories. Please send checks to Buckingham Palace, London, W1 UK.

"Jeeves, is there something about working in service I'm not aware of that is, er... exciting?"

"Exciting, sir?"

"That's right."

"I shouldn't think so, sir, but there is certainly much in service I find quite rewarding."

"Mm hm, mm hm, yes, I see. Rewarding in what sense, exactly?"

"May I ask why you are inquiring, sir?"

"I'm afraid not, Jeeves."

"I only ask, sir, because I couldn't help but notice a certain book under your bed."

"Oh, you saw that, did you?"

"Indeed, sir."

"One must be apprised of the worst in the world, Jeeves, so as to know what to avoid."

"Do you have cause to believe, sir, that were it not for your reading that book, you would be prone to requesting that the object of your affections beat you with a whip?"

"Certainly not, Jeeves!"

"Then I'm afraid I don't follow your logic, sir."

"Jeeves, it has not escaped my notice that my question has gone stubbornly unanswered."

"Sorry, sir. Whilst some individuals extract some amount of pleasure from temporarily pretending to be the servant of one’s beloved, that is not generally the arrangement one has in actual service and thus tends not to have the same appeal."

"Ah. Quite right. Er, I don't suppose you're in need of a valet, are you, Jeeves?"

"Sir?"

"I was only thinking that, as I have no plans for the day, and you have the usual tasks to do about the flat, I could pitch in and let you have the rest of the day off."

"..."

"..."

"Shall I go out to purchase a whip, sir?"

"Yes, Jeeves."

"Very good, sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Venus in Furs_ , published in 1870, is about a man who begs his beloved to let him be her slave, and to whip, shame, and cuckold him. The word 'masochism' originates from the name of the book's author, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. The book is, imo, shocking even by today's standards.


	2. Jane Eyre

"I say, Jeeves. This _Jane Eyre_ stuff is a rummy business, isn't it?"

"Indeed, sir. Many readers have found the description of the mad wife to be particularly disturbing."

"The what? Oh, that, yes. I was referring to Mr Rochester's romantic interest in Jane. It's not very cricket to foist oneself on the help, is it?"

"When it is not wanted, certainly not, sir. However, Mr Rochester proposes to Miss Eyre only after her emotional reaction to their impending separation reveals the depths of her feelings for him."

"Ah, quite so. If she had instead reacted the way you did to our own separation, Mr Rochester would have no doubt restrained his ardour."

"Are you referring to our separation involving the banjolele, sir?"

"That's right, Jeeves."

"If I may say so, sir, those circumstances were quite different."

"Yes, I suppose they were. You were positively champing at the bit to get away from me."

"Not at all, sir. I left only out of the direst necessity."

"Tosh! Jane wouldn't have found it necessary to leave Mr Rochester if he had simply indulged in a passion for a fruity instrument."

"Just as you say, sir."

"Well, even if the circumstances surrounding our separation had been the same as theirs, I daresay you still wouldn't have had the same reaction she had."

"Indeed not, sir. Miss Eyre and I have markedly different temperaments. However, my internal feelings would have been quite similar."

"Really?"

"Indeed, sir. I would have been greatly saddened if you had got engaged and handed me my notice."

"Jeeves. I'm afraid I'm going to foist myself upon you."

"Very good, sir."


	3. The Passionate Valet to His Love

“Jeeves, what is it about scenic landscapes that so dependably inspires feelings of romance in a girl? I admit that a view such as the one before us is nice to look at and all that, but you don’t see me batting my eyelashes every time I spot a stately oak upon the horizon.”

“ ‘Come live with me, and be my love—’ ”

“I say, what?!”

“It’s a poem, sir.”

“Oh. Of course. Do go on.”

“ ‘And we will all the pleasures prove,  
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,  
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.’ ” 

“How can one ‘prove’ a pleasure? A pleasure isn’t a statement up for debate.”

“The poet is using an obsolete meaning of the word, sir, in the sense of ‘testing’ or ‘trying’ a pleasure.”

“Oh. Well, what sort of pleasures could ‘steepy mountains’ possibly yield, dare I ask?”

“The poet does not specify the particular origins of the pleasures he goes on to list, sir, but he does mention ‘Beds of roses,’ as well as ‘a cap of flowers, and a kirtle, Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle,’ among other things.”

“Jeeves. Are you suggesting that picturesque scenery compels beazels to fall in love with me because they imagine I’m going to fashion items out of shrubbery for them?”

“No, sir. The poem may rather be suggesting that sharing aesthetic pleasures with another can engender feelings of love.”

“I see. I suppose you’re immune to such silly things?”

“On the contrary, sir. I believe I am as susceptible to the beauty of nature as anyone.”

“Jeeves! Do you mean to tell me that the landscape before us is, er, stirring up the tender pash?”

“I’m afraid so, sir.”

“Good heavens. We had better go in before you propose to me, what?”

“Indeed, sir.”

____________________  
**Addendum:**

“Jeeves, what was that fruity poem you quoted to me earlier?”

“It is called ‘The Passionate Shepherd to His Love,’ sir, which was written in the 16th century by Christopher Marlowe, a contemporary of Shakespeare. It is said that the first line of the poem bears a striking resemblance to the first line of a poem by Catullus, a Roman poet from—”

“Jeeves. Never mind Catullus.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Divest yourself of all knowledge of Roman poets.”

“I shall, sir.”

“As large as that great brain of yours may be, we would not want to waste space better allocated to the critical art of fishing one out of the soup.”

“Indeed, sir.”


	4. The Love Song of B. Wilberforce Wooster

“Jeeves, is it possible that the publisher used the wrong title when printing this poem?”

“No, sir, I don’t think so.”

“Are you quite sure? The title explicitly states that what follows is a love song, when the bally thing is anything but. It seems to concern an old man moaning about.”

“I believe the title is meant to be ironic, sir.”

“I fail to see the point in that, Jeeves. How are we supposed to reliably choose literature that interests us if the title is in the exact opposite spirit of the actual work?”

“There may be something in what you say, sir.”

“Am I now expected to go out and hunt down books with titles like _A Very Dour and Sad Tale_ if I want to find something light and frivolous?”

“It appears to be a distinct possibility, sir.”

“Give me an accurately titled poem any day, Jeeves. Or, better yet, an actual love song, with music and whatnot.”

“ ‘I used to dream that I would discover  
The perfect lover some day—’ ”

“I say!”

“It’s a love song, sir.”

“Oh. I don’t suppose you’d prefer to sing it instead?”

“No, sir.”

“Oh, very well. Do go on.”

“ ‘I always used to fancy then  
He’d be one of the God-like men  
With a giant brain and a noble head.  
But along came Bill,  
Who’s not the type at all.  
And I can’t explain  
It’s surely not his brain  
That makes me thrill.  
I love him because he’s wonderful,  
Because he’s just my Bill.’

“Is that the sort of song you had in mind, sir?”

“I suppose so, although it’s dashed rummy to slag someone off while singing about how much you love them. Is there any reason you chose that particular song, Jeeves?”

“I heard it recently, sir, and found that I could rather relate to it.”

“You relate to it! Do you mean to say you’ve fallen in love with someone who is, shall we say, mentally negligible?”

“It appears so, sir.”

"I would have thought you'd have had no patience for a lover whose brain power didn’t rival your own.”

“I was as surprised as you were, sir. However, I believe that the song is accurate in that love arises not due to objective qualities in a person, but due to something impossible to describe.”

“You know, Jeeves, I myself have been called mentally negligible.”

“I have heard as much, sir.”

“Am I to understand that there is some other simpleton running about on whom you have pinned your affections?”

“No, sir.”

“…”

“Are you all right, sir?”

“Yes, perfectly fine. Do you know I seem to be in the precise opposite posish as the one you find yourself in? I always thought I would end up hitched to a woman as silly and empty-headed as myself, but instead I find myself inexplicably and irresistably drawn to a serious, brainy type.”

“That is most peculiar, sir.”

“Jeeves... do I dare to eat a peach?”

“I should hope so, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,’ written by T.S. Eliot, was published in 1915. One of its many famous lines is "Do I dare to eat a peach?"
> 
> ‘Bill’ is a song from the musical _Show Boat_ (1927) and was co-written by P.G. Wodehouse.


End file.
